As my surgery draws closer my anxiety level is definately rising. I am trying to ignore all the what-if questions that seem to be swirling around in my mind. I know that perfect love casts out fear and His love is perfect - I just have to wrap my head and emotions around that right now. My faith seems to be weaker than I thought it was but it only has to be the size of a mustard seed and I KNOW He is with me and will not fail. It is not His ability I doubt but it is my ability. So much change has taken place in me physically and emotionally this year but it was facilitated by others and now this new journey seems to rest solely on me and I am not confident that I have what it takes to go it alone and yet those around me are telling me I need to go it alone so that I will take ownership of the change. Perhaps they are right - this really is the only area of my life I lack confidence in. I am secure in my relationship with my Lord, I am a good Salvation Army Officer, & a good Pastor - just not so sure I am able to remake myself in the areas that need some adjusting. The next few months are going to be a challenge and I hate the unknowingness of it all! I just have to believe I'm not making a mistake and I have to determine that I am going to do this for me and not to please anyone else. I'm going to do this for me because I'm worth it no matter what anyone else thinks.
Have a great week! My posts may be fewer because I don't have a computer anymore but I'll do my best!
Love, Kari
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