Today was a hard day for me. I am going to stop training with my old personal trainer and try out another for a while to see if it perhaps jumpstarts my weightloss again. This makes me sad and a bit frightened because I'm not convinced it is completely the best thing but it is worth a try. I do know this - nothing is allowed to happen to me that God does not allow. And with all things He never lets go of my hand and will walk through this new venture with me just as He has been walking with me this past year. I may even work with two different trainers because I really want to continue with my boxing and there is a trainer at the gym who I think can teach me more.
At any rate my surgery is in less than 6 weeks and I still feel afraid about this. I worry about the recovery time and how hard it is going to be to get my strength built back up to where it is now. Again though, I know God will be with me and rarely does anything go wrong in these surgeries so I should be okay when it is all said and done. And, even though I am scared I am also excited to see what muscles might be visible with the skin removed.=-)
I went to see my psychologist this week in Tulsa - he said some interesting things and one that made me laugh. We were talking about the weightloss and how I feel if I could do it anyone can do it and he said I am wrong in my thinking. He said I brought things to the table that not everyone has and he listed, determination, strength and then he said "and too you are obviously atheletic" - does that not make you laugh? I can say I have never thought of myself as athletic - nor would I ever in a million years. And I'm not so sure about the determination part either. He says by thinking that everyone can do this I negate my worth and that my self-image does not fall in line with my own theology if I believe we were all created in our mothers womb by God and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I will just have to try and wrap my head around where my personal theology and my self-image don't match.
I do know that we all have worth, we are all loved deeply by a creator that desires a personal relationship with us and that we all have a purpose. We are called to love Him, serve Him and serve each other. May I never lose sight of that.
Have a blessed week! Know that He loves you and so do I! Kari
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