From Bad to Worse

Sometimes this journey doesn't really seem worth it. So much has changed over the past 8 months! I look different, feel different I guess I even act different. I don't know me. I'll be honest, being fat has its advantages - it keeps you guarded and safe and right now I miss that feeling. Blast it all I need an excuse for whats going on in my life and the fat isn't there to blame it on anymore. I guess this is just a learning time for me. Solomon says it best:

Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What does the worker gain from his toil?
10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men.
11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.
13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
15 Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.

May He bless His Word to my heart.

I have a few prayer requests: 1-that I would find a new workout buddy be they male or female to workout with. 2-that I will get out of this funk that I am in. 3-that God would help me to recognize and fix all the flaws in my character that I might not offend others. 4-that he will help me with some trust issues I am having. 5-that an aquaintance of mine who is looking for a new job will find one soon so that they can quit worrying. 6-that a family that left my Church will see that they are loved and missed and will return soon. 7-that my weighin tomorrow won't be as bad as I'm expecting.

I've been listening to a song by Mandesa today called "It's Only the World" and it talks about days like today. It has been a comfort to me! It says, "Heaven is a place where every tear on every face will be wiped away." If you have had a rough day or week I highly recommend you look it up on the web and download it - a good couple of dollars spent.

I'm looking to make some changes in my life in the next couple of months that do not involve my looks so hopefully I will get consumed by these things and all the rest of the junk will take care of itself. I know I have offended some of you over the past several months with talking about my weightloss - it was never my intent, please forgive me. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions but I am here to tell you that the road to heaven is paved with good intentions gone awry! This journey that we are all on is just an educational trip and thank God, He grades on a curve - He alone judges our hearts!=-D

To all those that I know, I am praying for you especially those of you who are moving next Sunday (big Salvation Army move time). I love you all! And, to those I don't know email me and lets get aquainted. Kari